up to my neck in you
by a warrior queen
Summary: Suddenly his life revolved around Lady Gaga lyrics, glitter, pizza and picking out guys for his stupid best friend. Oh, and the hipster that hijacked his room.


"That one?"

Ino paused from dumping any more Parmesan cheese onto her pepperoni-and-bacon pizza and slowly raised her head. She had to be careful about these matters so she stared at Sasuke for a second or two before she turned her head to follow his line of vision.

He was staring at a guy that was sitting alone on the bar, his back pressed against the wall so he could face the rest of the diner. He would look like Ino's type at first glance but Ino had been in the business of chasing after boys since she hit puberty and she knew better.

Her nose crinkled cutely. "He totally dyes his hair."

Sasuke paused from scarfing down some of his pizza and gave her an incredulous look before his eyes turned to the nameless man in question.

"How the hell do you even _know_ that?"

She flipped some of her long blond hair over her shoulder and sniffed delicately. "I can see his roots coming in."

"We're sitting like fifteen tables away from him, how can you even _tell_?" He shook his head, raising a hand up to let her know that he didn't really want an answer because anything she had to say was going to break his head further than she'd already broken it. "Him?"

He nudged his chin in the direction of the retro jukebox. Ino chewed, her blue eyes narrowing as she stared at her best friend before slowly turning to stare at the jukebox.

She blanched out. "Sasuke, are you even trying?"

He scoffed at her, leaning back in his seat and concentrating on his sausage and cheese pizza. They ate in silence then with Ino pouting at his lame attempts at being a good wingman because every man he's pointed out so far has been _gay_.

Ino was a hard girl to please and she knew it! Really, she lived by the motto of eating hearts and swallowing brains and if the asshole didn't love her back she would totally do it again. It's how women survived in the world these days—being complete grade-a snobs and crushing men under five-inch stiletto heels. And, you know, having a five-foot-nine best friend for a roommate that kept himself in shape.

That usually scared the idiots away, too.

Still, she would love to have a boyfriend or something right about now.

She let out a dejected sigh and ignored the look Sasuke threw at her. She slurped at her diet soda, watching the people crossing the street and heading to the big mall that towered over the small pizza joint.

At that, Ino's eyes fell on the bags sitting next to her on her side of the booth. A satisfied sigh escaped her lips as she smiled. It was always fun to get Sasuke to buy her shoes!

She turned to her quiet best friend and hid her grin by entertaining her straw in her mouth. She looked down at the table, picked up her cellphone and casually went through her instagram.

Anyone else would tell her to just date him.

Sasuke was the basic definition of tall, dark and handsome with his average height (in which he still managed to loom over people, she'd seen it in action), his dark messy hair and even darker eyes. And it was all wrapped up with the pale skin, thin lips, aristocratic nose and amazing eyebrows!

He was, quite literally, perfect!

Except he wasn't. He was a moody little asshole, never wanted to go out if it didn't suit him, consumed alcohol every day, had his friend over for sports whenever his favorite teams were playing, didn't let her play music loudly and he couldn't even cook.

Hell, no something with Sasuke would be disastrous and thus Ino was in her predicament: finding herself a boyfriend.

The least Sasuke could do for his failure in meeting standards was help her find one but even in that he was a complete buffoon.

(A pretty buffoon.)

"You done?"

She blinked out of her thoughts and half sneered at him as he chewed the last of his pizza, lifting one of his legs up to let the heel of his foot rest at the edge of his booth, his arm casually resting on the bent knee.

"Obviously," she scoffed, "I told you to just let me get some of yours, I have to watch my figure."

Sasuke snorted. "For what?"

"In case a modeling agency coincidentally bumps into me and discovers my immense beauty and runway material body!"

He stared at her while he bit at his straw, a perfect eyebrow (how did he have a perfect eyebrow game, he was a _guy_ that didn't even pay attention to his looks!) as if questioning her sanity.

"Anyway, let's go" she sighed. Then, she began to spin and sway and flap her arms as if in a play and with a theatrical voice she all but sang, "Another day foiled to find my one true love."

"Alas, you will survive," he drawled.

Ino paused, and turned to glare at him as he reached to push the diner's door open. "Hey, asshole, that's like saying its unfortunate that I'll survive!"

"Exactly," he droned, leading them to his parked car.

Pouting at him for being a complete douche, Ino reached to smack at his arm but then switched her target and snatched the keys from his grip and flailed towards his car where she was quick to sit down on the driver's seat, buckle herself up and start up the engine.

Sasuke paused right in front of the driver's door and stared at her with that look he always had when he was trying to find a way to keep himself from yanking her hair and force-feeding it to her.

Ino batted her lashes at him and gave him a cheeky grin all the while patting the passenger's seat. Sighing loudly and throwing his head back in defeat and annoyance, he all but dragged himself around the car, throwing himself onto the seat and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

After reversing out the parking space, Ino fiddled with the radio—something she knew Sasuke hated—and left a station that was oh so coincidentally playing Lady Gaga.

True perfection!

So they drove. And Ino was the kind that liked to take the long way home so they would cross the enormous cemetery dedicated to war veterans, the second shopping center and all the other detours that lead to the highway until they got lost in what Ino liked to pretend was a forest It really wasn't, though, just a very big line of enormous trees hiding them from view.

They drove in silence and Ino all but screamed the lyrics to Applause and laughed when Sasuke would turn to her so she could see his sour expression.

"Oh my gosh, Sasuke look!" She pointed a finger at a figure. If it weren't still light out, they would have totally missed her.

Ino had a distinct feeling they wouldn't, though. Not when she had _pink hair_ with a flower crown and turquoise colored shorts.

Of course, what grabbed Ino's attention was the lack of shoes. And the way her toes sparkled with her nail polish. It was unrealistic for Ino to be able to see such a detail from where she sat and where the girl stood but Ino had a sharp eye for detail and she was sold by the glitter nail polish.

"We have to stop."

"Are you insane?"

Ino slowed her driving, thankful that no one was crazy like her so there was no traffic behind them.

"She can be a serial killer," Sasuke went on, staring at her with a furrowed brow. "Or _worse_. She can be a drunk and is going to puke all over my car. Hell no, keep driving."

"BUT HER TOENAILS," Ino all but screeched, smiling at the girl when they finally caught up to her.

"She's not even wearing shoes," Sasuke raised an arm up and dropped it back down to his lap, sparing the girl a glance as she paused on the other side of his door.

At this, Ino snorted. She patted his shoulder, sighing in a way that let Sasuke know she was worried about his lack of intelligence. "Dumb-dumb. They're probably in her backpack. Hitchhiking his a serious business!"

"Who hitchhikes inside town?"

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LONG SHE'S BEEN AT IT."

She cleared her throat and lowered the window, grinning as the girl poked her head in and stared at them both with violet winged-eyeliner and the prettiest green eyes.

"Hi!"

"You are so _cute_," Ino cooed. "Do you need a ride?"

The girl snorted before letting out a carefree snicker. "It's not the only thing I need, really. My car broke down all the way in Suna and I've been hiking since. I need a ride, I need water, I need a shower and I need a roof."

"You poor thing," Ino lamented. She smacked Sasuke's arm to get him to quit glaring at the scenery in front of them. "Get off so she can hop in the back!"

Sasuke turned to her, a murderous expression on his face before turning to the girl, exhaling through his nose and getting out of the car.

The girl clapped her hands and carefully removed her backpack. She handed it to Sasuke, "Careful, I have something really fragile in there."

Sasuke grumbled to himself, rolling his eyes and waiting for her to crawl into the back seat before he—carefully—handed her the pack and sat back down on his seat.

"So, what's your name?" Ino asked as she picked up her speed just as a car came in to view in the rearview mirror. "I'm Ino, and this is my idiot friend Sasuke."

"I'm Sakura!"

"Ooh, even your name is cute!"

Sasuke let out a very loud sigh, slouching in his seat and wishing the ride would just be over.

.

.

.

"Of course you can stay with us!" Ino declared as she opened the front door of their apartment to let them all in.

Sasuke's eyes visibly widened as he brought up the rear, his jaw dropping in incredulity at his stupid, idiot friend for making such a rash decision.

Sasuke really prided himself in being the more levelheaded of the two. Sure, he was a drunk and he did have a bit of an anger issue but at least he didn't allow total strangers to live in their apartment when there wasn't even any space for them!

"What?" he almost yelled, except it took a lot to get Sasuke to that level.

"Shush Sasuke!" Ino flapped a dismissive hand his way. "The adults are talking!"

Sasuke wanted to remind her that he was two and a half months older. Instead, though, he continued to watch Ino be completely smitten by the girl and all her hipster getup.

During the ride, the girl had dug up her shoes from her pack and it didn't help the situation at all because Ino fell in love with the flower-print on the boots and so they spent the entire ride talking about the different flowers and color combinations and that the weird textile material was better than the leather when it came to the print and that they went super well with shorts and even leggings and other things Sasuke really didn't care about.

"Fucking—" he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Where is she even going to sleep?"

Ino dropped her bags to the ground when she noticed this was going to take a little longer than she thought it would. She blinked at him, looking all pure and innocent but Sasuke knew better than that.

He sneered at her.

"On your bed, duh," she finally answered, coolly. "You can take the couch."

"WOW."

"That's really generous of you, Sasuke," Sakura chirped happily.

"I didn't offer—"

But Sakura skipped away, hugging her backpack close to her chest and only paused to inspect the room on the right—which happened to be purple and filled with glitter and posters of Lady Gaga and The Beatles and other such nonsense—before she turned and disappeared into the one on the left, closing the door behind her.

It was quiet as it all slowly began to sink in.

The door opened again and, next to him, Ino raised her eyebrows.

Sakura poked her head out and blinked at them with a cute smile on her lips, "Your room smells like cologne. It's perfect."

And then she disappeared with a click of the door shutting behind her.

Sasuke ran a hand down the length of his face and sighed, glaring as Ino turned to stare at him with an unimpressed expression on her pretty face.

Sasuke knew becoming friends with Ino was going to come back and kick him in the dick at some point but he didn't think it'd come in the form of lending his room and his bed to some random girl and leaving him to freeze in the living room. They both knew the living room got really cold after midnight!

"Relax," she drawled. And in a second her expression changed to a lecherous one where she waggled her eyebrows at him in a very inappropriate way. "You know if you want the bed you can always _share_."

Sasuke was unimpressed.

"Go die in a hole."

Ino threw her head back and cackled, picking her bags back up from the ground and heading towards her room. Along the way, she dropped the keys onto the small counter that made up their breakfast-lunch-dinner table and only paused to spare him another lecherous look.

"If you want, you can sleep with me!"

"Hell no, you snore."

"I DO NOT."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and made his way to the couch. "Yeah, you actually do. It's this little annoying sound that makes me think there's a fucking bug buzzing in my ear and I want to swat at it but then I realize it's you. Then, I try to swat at your face but your reaction would be too annoying to deal with afterwards."

"You're an asshole," she growled. She huffed, sticking her nose up in the air indignantly. "See if I'll sleep with you when winter comes in! You'll just freeze yourself to death!"

"I'll buy a heater," he drawled as he kicked his Chuck Taylors off. He paused for a second, blinking his eyes and furrowing his brow. "She better not hotbox my room."

**up to my neck in you**

**notes: **a rewrite of "shake your foundations". also something to come to when i'm bored. don't bother me about pairings.


End file.
